Final Reflective Essay - A Meandering Look Back (23/10)

Folio of Relevant Blog Prompts/Reflections

01 .................... Second Prompt - Taking Stock (08/08)

02 .................... Third Prompt - Reflecting on the Journey so Far (10/08)

03 .................... Fourth Prompt - Peta Murray & Deep Listening (14/08)

04 .................... Fifth Prompt - Lessons from Carly's Responses (26/08)

05 .................... Sixth Prompt - The Editor Experience (07/09)

06 .................... Seventh Prompt - Teamwork Makes the Dream Work (19/09)

07 .................... Eighth Prompt - Hot Air & Reaching (25/09)

08 .................... Ninth Prompt - A Revelation in Writing Practice (05/10)

Final Reflective Essay - A Meandering Look Back

The title of this assessment task has stumped me for over a week. "Final Reflective Essay". Although I tried David's proposed plan on how to tackle this assignment, I've been going back and forth on ideas. How should I write it? Should I go into it freely like any other normal reflection? Or should I make a formal essay – methodically discuss the four "clumps" I've created? What should the central theme of my essay be? During class, I said "Monomyth", but I realised I waffled on for far too long upon writing a draft for it. Originally this post was titled "Redemption Arc". Although my opinions on several points have been overturned, I don't think I've "redeemed" myself as some kind of "villain" of creative nonfiction. Argh. In the end, I'm writing it in a stream of consciousness style, just like my other prompts and my essay. It'd probably be more honest too.

I know I'm not the only one who was immediately attracted to this studio because of the publication. I went into it determined to write some grand, engaging academic paper about the Black Plague or something. To me, the term "creative" in "creative nonfiction" meant simply allowing the word "I". Back then, I didn't know what it could do for me, or what it meant for my work. (separate hyperlinks) As expected, my first drafts were essay-like, strictly segmented, and fuelled by the wrong notion that they needed to have educational value to be worthy of existence. I'm eternally grateful for the guest interviewees' advice and the encouragement of my collaborators that influenced a more emotionally raw piece, that was much, much better.

This semester has helped overturn my biases towards creative nonfiction. When several students at the 2019 Creative Writing Orientation had said they changed from being fiction to nonfiction writers, I was confused. What was the appeal? Is there really enough people out there who care about the lives of average strangers, who don't have sob stories or done heroic deeds? I soon came to realise how misguided my assumptions were. "Average" strangers are interesting because they're relatable. Although the stories mentioned above are important, they can be difficult to empathise with because everyday people likely have no experience in their subject matter. But our anthology contains accounts or musings of everyday people living just like many others in COVID-times. While there probably are writers who fit my negative stereotypes, it definitely isn't the vast majority of them. This course has made me more open to writing creative nonfiction in the future – I've been surprised by how liberating and enjoyable it can be.

My achievements haven't been without trial and error. For much of it, I was uncertain about my work due to the constant redrafting and searching for a concrete central topic. I was worried my story might be cliché and meaningless – and I did end up finding a piece like that, in my eyes – but the support of my collaborators carried me through. I resisted drowning in sorrow in the face of criticism I didn't want to, but knew I had to, hear. I'm on a cautious path of being optimistic about my writing ability; I know my limits and which areas I need to improve on. Although I still have doubts about my piece, I definitely feel at least more confident about my skills.

I'm surprised by how much I've learnt from the guest speakers this semester. I've incorporated at least one technique from all of them in my writing practice! One author I reflected on was Peta Murray, who described the importance of "Deep Listening", how much depth it gives characters who leave things unsaid. Because it's so vital in fiction that readers understand the world, its mechanics, the characters, and storyline, I feel as though I must over-explain to cover up any plot holes or unclear motives. But Peta Murray reassured us that leaving some mystery in our works is okay, because unsaid words hold immense amounts of power. I implemented this in my essay, and as a result, I like that despite the Narrator's honesty, there may be things she is hiding from the reader. But for whose sake, who knows!

Not going to lie, studying online has been immensely difficult. Since June, I've barely been outside my home. Perhaps my mild depression mixed with loneliness kept me fatigued enough to remain indoors for so long. But what has motivated me has been attending class and collaborating. The experiences of editor consultations, group workshopping, and synergising like bees in a hive to make the Unplagued Essay has been such a treat. It's helped me regain confidence in humanity – at least in terms of group work, hah! Although I'll undoubtedly come across some uncooperative teams in the future, I'm so glad I've had the opportunity to work alongside such wonderful people in this course.

I'd like to specifically thank my editors, Justine and Carly, even if Justine was only present for a short period of time. I was still touched by their attentiveness to my work and their dedication to bettering it. It's been a privilege to have my drafts so meticulously analysed and to see them improve after suggested changes were implemented. I've appreciated Carly's enthusiasm for both Rhianna and I, and I'm so glad she made my first one-on-one (or I guess two-on-one?) editor experience so memorable and positive. Although I might have hesitated or cringed a little when submitting or receiving feedback (writer's insecurities), I'm grateful I feel more confident in myself thanks to my editors' efforts. (separated hyperlinks) I mean, now more than ever, I firmly believe I can write raw emotion. And I wouldn't have pursued doing more of that in my piece without Carly's encouragement! It means a lot. Sincerely. 

Finally, thank you David. I know this is a reflective essay on my experience in the course, but you're an integral part of it. Thank you for your dedication to making online classes the best they can be, and for advising me in my most crucial moment, before the final draft submission. I've learnt a valuable lesson about checking over my future pieces to ensure my voice isn't smoothed out and the message is clear!

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Well... aside from the upcoming promotional post for the Book Launch, I guess that's it on this blog from me. Thank you for reading, everyone! Hope to see you, my peers, on campus. And thanks to readers from around the world for somehow finding this blog. Take care and stay safe! May the rest of the year be well.

-Katie Manalo, the Plague Wanderer