[CLASS] #6: Friday July 31st Class

Section 1: Notable Quotes & Works

Much to my surprise, we didn't kick off this class with a guest speaker. The interviews were catching me off-guard since they weren't specified on the schedule! Aaah! They're still very welcome though, and I really enjoy hearing about how others approach the Plague Stories topic and brief. Admittedly, it is making me feel a little bad because my topic is very much linked to the current plague, and isn't that abstract. Furthermore, Shane and I have similar topics, or rather, I think I was inspired by his ideas. I'm sure we'll be approaching them very differently, though! We've agreed to exchange full drafts on Thursday to evaluate where we are then.

Anyway, back to the section at hand! We began the lesson by examining some quotes, the first one that took my interest being;

"You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even but a millimetre the way people look at reality, then you can change it." - James Baldwin

My feelings toward this quote is... complicated. There's something to be said about validation here. There was a Tumblr post that talked about baking cakes. If you spent 6 hours baking a cake for a party, only for nobody to eat it, then naturally you'd feel disappointed and like you've wasted your time. Seeing 0, or meagre views on your online works (the meagre views actually being you checking on it) hurts. This is more difficult for original works than fanfiction. I personally believe it's a waste to create works that aren't going to see the light of day either, like making a cake to leave in an attic and rot.

Of course, it would be remiss of me not to discuss those 'personal' works we have, maybe a self-insert of you with your favourite fictional character or whatever, diaries and journals. These can be hidden away and the reason why they get a pass in my books is that you're already the target audience, so it's fulfilled its purpose.

Mmn... but this message of change, no matter how small, should be addressed too. In Season 7, episode 14 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fame and Misfortune, Princess Twilight Sparkle publishes and her friends' friendship journal that holds all of their realisations and lessons they've learnt when overcoming problems. This backfires when ponies start to argue over who wrote the best lessons, who is the best 'character', and point out the issues in the book too. It was a reflection of the real life fandom and how people argue amongst themselves about the show's characters. The main ponies sing a song talking about how they're not flawless but unlike most other episodes, the song doesn't work. But in the end, two little fillies tell Twilight and her friends how much the book helped their friendship. Twilight and her friends say it was well worth it then. So the episode exemplified Baldwin's message.

It is hard however, when you don't know if your voice is reaching anybody at all too. It's a bit of a struggle having 'silent readers' who don't comment or leave a like on something. You don't know if they even went past the first chapter. Augh. But I guess it's natural and expected to feel this way as a writer, to sing out without knowing if anybody is listening. I could call that a waste but it's not, if people have a way to access your voice (eg. by randomly stumbling on your radio frequency when broadcasting it). I'd say this blog would be doing just that, but I know some people are following this blog. Hello David, and Justine, my editor! And hello Ewen, Chloe H, Jake and Miriam! I'll follow back soon, and everybody else in a bit too!

Well, this train of thought went off track. Moving on!

There was a very intriguing quote by Ander Manson, so much so that I decided to read the piece from when it came, Essay as Hack:

"I am a writer who likes constraint... A form is like a challenge. A wall. A system of rules. A dungeon. Signifiers accessing other signifiers, Given the rules of System X I want to hack it, see what it can be repurposed to do. In this way writing the essay accesses the system, breaks the lock off of it, pushes against it, line by line, and transforms (sic)."

My initial reaction was to type a meme joke into the class chatroom, which was: "*types an introduction* *hacker voice* I'm in", implying the essay is like literally hacking. Granted, I didn't know the actual essay was truly, fully about that until I read it.

My feelings to this quote are complicated too, and bringing them up here might help explain my aversion to creative nonfiction essays, or anything that isn't a formal, academic essay.

I... like boundaries. I like rules. Constraints. I like it when the scope for creation isn't too large. I like having the lines marking out what is right or wrong clearly made out.

I talked about this a little in my Nicole Walker blog post but I can elaborate on it more here.What Manson describes as an impenetrable brick building he wants to get in and repurpose, spice it up or fragment it, I like the restrictions it provides for me inside. It makes me feel comfortable sure of what's being asked of me and what zones are a no-go. I prefer a closed room than an open field.

I like being able to use this old, strict system and make a piece that shines brightly even within its limitations. Play a few tricks here and there, but just go above and beyond with the content whilst staying within the room. It's all about content, not structure.

I might have this view because for my final Year 11 English exam, comparing 12 Angry Men and To Kill a Mockingbird, I rapidly came up with the idea of comparing characters by their Archetypes (Hero, Sidekick, Victim) and I got a perfect mark. Thinking back on it now, whilst actually studying mythology and the effects of Joseph Campbell's contributions to literature, it's pretty impressive. So, hehe. Take my views with a grain of "she's a little bit self-righteous" salt.

But I suppose with this class, I'm opening the door of that little workshop to a wider field and seeing what's out there. It's scary. Daunting. Perhaps I've even scurried into another building if I write with the report style I've got planned. But this is a great start, for sure, if I go the memoir route.

Oh. But that doesn't mean I fully enjoyed Manson's essay. No. I can at least appreciate what part of it does, the way he comes off like a punky, cheeky and a little pompous guy with all that hacker knowledge of his, but I can respect that dedication to his theme.

Gosh. Writing this makes me feel like this is Skrillex vs. Mozart, where he's the former and I'm the latter rapper. Ties into that concerto thing I also talked about in the Nicole Walker post, I guess?

But something I definitely want to mention: I absolutely despise articles and essays that DON'T round off their arguments at the end, DON'T make a summarising statement, and DON'T leave the reader with a valuable message or a thought-provoking bang to end it all...

But... abruptly. Cutting off nonsensically. Ending the way he did on some breath strips, a totally new topic... aargh! It infuriates me. It makes me mad.

Ending with a whimper, not a bang, can be a miss nine times outta ten. I think it's lazy - trying to seem smart in something but cutting off there, esPECIALLY when the last paragraph or section has meandered away from the topic. It's just so... incomplete! At least end with a coup de grace! It's not that smart!

Maybe I feel this way because you know fucking what? I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!

I DON'T GET IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT,

AND I JUST FEEL DUMB WHEN IT HAPPENS!

Am I supposed to be a Buddhist disciple, who gets the meaning when the teacher lets a bird tweet just before he speaks and say that the lesson is done? It's just... urgh.

Maybe I should write an essay on what I hate seeing in nonfiction. High school speeches for captain positions and duxes would take up two pages at least, for sure.

Whoof. Okay. Moving onto an essay I actually have no qualms with.

Desirae Matherly's Final: Comprehensive: Rough.

It was spectacular.

My favourite types of writing (((to read since I can't see myself replicating them))) are those that challenge forms, and are outlandish as a result, especially when it's in jest of something. This essay makes the reader feel like an unprepared student - as they should be, as a blind reader - and makes them learn about who they are, and who the exam writer is. The exam writer is a teacher for a Logic elective in an undergraduate course, and is writing their life problems and such in section 6 of the exam. The first five sections of the exam start to scatter about clues and hints as to who the exam writer is.

I love the impossibility of the exam. I want to print it out and try; the first page being pretty easy to tackle in my opinion. This kind of passion infused in the reader is impressive. I absolutely love it.

Alright! That's enough about other people's essays. Time for my own.

Section 2: Playing with Forms & Approaches

Throughout the morning session, we played around with different forms and ways of approaching our essays. I won't drag on for much longer in this prelude, so you can see them for yourselves!

Writing Exercise - "You" Direct Language
Heya.

How're you holding up in quarantine, down here in Victoria? Watching some Netflix? Doing some exercise? Cleaning?

Staying. Home?

I hope so. Because for fuck's sake, I hope we can wrangle ourselves in to suppress this goddamn virus so we can go out again. I already didn't have complete faith in humanity to behave like responsible adults, but I still can't believe how utterly stupid some people have become.

You've seen the news, right? Police discover a huge party because of a tall order of KFC? That one giant Eid party that had to be shut down. People travelling from Victoria to Queensland during the pandemic, which has now started the latest cluster there as of when I'm writing this, July 31st, 2020.

Christ. Can people give up their own selfish desires for a few months and stay away?

Haaah. Admittedly, this kinda seems like the first time modern civilisation has had to do it on a global scale.

In-depth Report
8:40am - Subject 3 wakes up from Subject 4's alarm. Subject 4 opens her school laptop and enters her Google classroom on loudspeaker. Unable to return to sleep, Subject 3 is now scrolling through her phone.

9:00am - Subject 4 is using Snapchat during class. Subject 3 is viewing the latest page of a manga genre, searching for something to read.

9:30am - Subject 4 is still using Snapchat in class. Subject 3 is reading.

Imperative Mode - Every sentence is an instruction
Pass through the Myki ticket gate. Notice your guy friend/crush standing by Coles Central. Condition your heart to accelerate and your body temperature to rise by 2°C. Step forward. Watch as he comes dangerously close to you. Yearn for a hug. Notice other people. Suppress that urge.

Walk into Coles.

Interrogative Mode - Every sentence is a question
Why? Why today? Why does Milligram have to be closed? But Google said it was open? Does he seem bored? What are you going to say? Will he be satisfied staring at the merchandise from here? Where to now? Are we really going to Dymocks? Are we walking now? Is it safe for a hug?

Speculative Mode - Writing about something you can't know
He looked at his friend curiously. She was right there, suppressing the urge for a hug. Why wasn't she asking? Well, maybe they could have one later.

Oh, wait. "Would you want to um... have a hug?" She said it. There isn't any people around. He blinked at her in surprise. Maybe even delight.

"Yeah, sure." He said. He opened his arms a split second before her and embraced her. Ah. She was big in his arms. But warm.

Preposition Writing - Above/Beyond & Report Style
Over the course of several weeks, Subject 3's spirit has been wearing down. They find it increasingly more difficult to study and instead continue to procrastinate and look for excuses to do other things. A vast majority of the time, she masturbates when her sister leaves for work.Subject 3 has been speaking to G and he's been negotiating with her on a day out. Subject 3 is reluctant to accept, thinking it might be wise to save it as a reward after finishing all of her assessment tasks, but her boyfriend, N, is encouraging her to take the opportunity.

Section 3: Pomodoro Reflection - Forms & Approaches

You brought in words, and shook it up. With the knowledge you have now, where are you going to go with your essay? Will you start anew, or if you're happy with what you have now, how do you want to keep going?

Okay, so... I'm very excited that I've got a really fantastic idea of where this essay is going and what it's going to look like.

For starters, I was deeply inspired by Desirae Matherly's exam format for Final: Comprehensive, Roughly where she leaves clues bit by bit throughout to build up to her long answer questions at the end. I know these forms exist, but you never remember them until they're brought up to you.

I also had great fun with the report style. I used timestamps for it at first, but I didn't know where I was going to insert my facts. However, writing it as one big summary, maybe case file, tying the bigger/state events as reasoning behind my, or rather, a 19 year old Subject 3's actions, might be a good approach. It helps me to detach myself from making it too personal and I think it will make it easier to overcome any vulnerable barriers trying to prevent me from saying something embarrassing. This already happened as I've had to cut out some super embarrassing bits from this blog post by how much I ran my mouth like my paper and this anthology is my best friend. 

I had already drafted fragments of my essay but now I want to start collecting news articles over the past couple of months in line with Subject 3's timeline of events to provide reasons for her behaviour. I think this is the most natural way of linking these things and if it's a comprehensive report, it plays into my strengths of having a plan in the first place.

Now that I say all of that though, I do need to consider if my message that humans behave irregularly in these irregular, unprecedented times will stay preserved. It was supposed to be the audience behind the writer, watching her react to the world and then watching her actions, like a nesting doll, or that meme of the people sitting in church with guns pointed at a person like in a conga line. But now, perhaps the new stance could be how these times change an individual radically, and gauge how they will be after the fact. Comparing herself from last year to this year can fit in nicely too.

I think this exercise has confirmed that I much prefer being behind the "safety" of the pen instead of being on the page, talking about myself directly. I've never felt comfortable about writing my own experiences in this way because I thought that people wouldn't care about them. But if I can write myself as a "subject" from the safety of the pen as a detached person, this becomes much easier.

Talking about my discomfort with being on the page myself actually links to a blog idea I had yesterday. I was discussing with my boyfriend why I had an apparent aversion to personal nonfiction. I ultimately realised that it was because I felt like nonfiction writers were... narcissistic. I personally feel as though you can only write nonfiction if you have something truly important to say, and if you don't, like I feel I do, I shouldn't. Who would want to read about a girl who sits and browses Youtube all day, you get me? This issue might come from a lack of self esteem or that I don't feel I have anything world-changing to say, maybe that hasn't been said before as well.

I feel like announcing yourself as a nonfiction writer is like saying, "I think people should listen to my opinions, because they are good and I have valuable insight." There is no doubt that there are some people online who feel that way about themselves but for me, I don't want to have that imaginary spotlight, or that bright, shiny badge of declaration. I know it isn't entirely true either, but it's just... my biased opinion.

Now, as a nonfiction writer for this course, I do feel like I've cheated out myself with this omnipotent report idea, but it is nonfiction at the root of it all. I can't deny that it's what it talks about, it is creative nonfiction. I just found a way for me to more readily approach it.

There's uh, 3 more minutes on the clock but my right arm is cramping up. So uh, that's all for now, folks. I just wanna type this up in the upcoming break... so yeah! That's it (((Future Katie like lmao yeah you took a whole day to write this up fam)).

Heh. Final note I guess. I saw a Facebook post the other day that said, "smart girls finishing an argument: so yeah". I wonder where that comes from? Even I've seen Year 5 kids finish their presentations with a, "So... yeah! That's it" which is hilarious. Maybe it's the way we uh, slam that plug down on our genius to signify to others that it's over. Or we've run a marathon and all we can do is dry-heave.

Anyway. I'm hungry now. Time to eat!

Section 4: Sam van Zweden - What did I learn?

I... NEED... BREWER'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASE AND FABLE...

Section 4 (Really): Sam van Zweden - Risklessness is for chumps

The fated guest speaker at last made their appearance. Sam van Zweden is a nonfiction author based in Melbourne, who is interested in mental health and the body. She was part of the 2nd intake of writers for this program, from 2010-2012, took a year break, and then came back to do her Honours with David as her supervisor. The work she made back then will be released as a book in February, entitled, Eating With My Mouth Open.

The most noteworthy tidbit I took from her interview, aside from how her dog's snoring felt like a dragon was curled up around her and snoring peacefully with its companion in close proximity, was a quote from Fiona Wright, which was that "Risklessness is for chumps".

I definitely need to heed these words. I feel like I'm being a bit of a coward, running away from opportunities because I'm so busy with my coursework. I hope to be more active in writing and submitting work to places online come the end of year break, however. And I hope I can take a leap with this project as well!

Section 5: Conclusion / After the Fact

Haaah. Finally. Finished typing up this damn blog post. I handwrote most of it on Saturday before realising I'd taken up the entire day. Gonna just write my blog posts straight to the laptop from now on (I'll still do all classwork by hand though, I much prefer pen and paper for that). So yeah. Need to streamline the process because I'm not getting much done doing it that way.

Yeah! Thanks for reading. That's a colossal post up there, yeesh! It's like I'm writing essays on my blog! Hahaha. It's natural for an essayist like me (who will definitely write an essay about all the things I hate in nonfiction works, such as "As I sat down to write this" lines in speeches).

Catch you all later. Whoof!

-Katie, the Plague Wanderer